January 19, 2002
SuicideGREETINGS AND SALUTATIONS from Arnold's Way!
Catalytic catastrophes shatter the hull of the morning air
Something destroys the child's happy smile
A day of no hope. A day of midnight gloom
A day when all could be erased
Just by saying I care
It was late Sunday night when the topic had to be chosen, books had to be
studied, and answers had to be given. I was waiting for the magical moment
when the white lights that glimmer pale shades and the yellow orange
blossoms would become transformed into vital force, which would surge its
gathering force upon my shoulder and give me this week's topic. And so it
happened. The next sentence is not verbose like before but more
solemn. My
wife received a telephone call about one of her co-workers who committed
suicide. It is certainly not a pleasant subject, especially when one
person
I knew directly. The other two cases, although still tragic, were friends
of friends.
Where do I start? It's one of those subjects that you need time to
research. You have to research the causes, the whys of what would provoke
someone to take their own life.
I sit in silence. I listen to the water fall. I listen to the
computer
humming. I am trying to grab hold of any thought that would help me
address
this issue.
I skimmed approximately 40 books, and only one mentioned the word. It's
like one of those things where truth stands out like a reality of black
vultures and everyone just shies away. In Alternative Medicine Presented
by
Burton Goldberg there are words written on the subject. "Serious
depression, if not treated can lead to suicidal thoughts." My first
question is what does treatment look like? Does it mean seeing somebody
and
talking about one's problems or what they ate for breakfast? Is there a
difference? According to Ralph C. Cinque, D.C. in Mental Health, "The
emotionally sick do not require treatment any more than do the physically."
Precisely my opinion.
If as an individual we wanted to talk about anger, it's there. If we
wanted
to talk about childhood inadequacies, they are there. Whatever subject we
wanted to mention, there can be frequent anger, anxiety, depression, and
maybe eventually suicide. By the way, it's the eighth leading cause of
death in this country.
On such a topic we begin our quest. According to those separate studies
involving suicide and high voltage lines, here were strong correlations
between depression and suicide. Just writing about this topic I get the
chills. It's a topic to which I have difficulty relating as a raw foodist.
The very nature of my existence deals with excellence. Excellence begins
from the time I get up to when I begin exercising to drinking fresh squeezed OJ. The day follows along those lines of excellence, excellence, and more
excellence. It involves simply being in love with every facet of what I
do.
I find value and substance from the simplest task. For example, it's like
speaking on the phone and getting totally enamored by the idea of pushing 10
numbers, listening for that someone to answer the phone that I know who is
not minutes away but hours away, and talking. I get so amazed.
But what is today wasn't always like today, for those who commit suicide
feel hopeless. They are at the bottom rung of life with no place to
go. My
mind starts to drift to almost 10 years ago when I was on the verge of death
at the young age of 45. I thought I had a heart attack. As a victim
with
no sense of empowerment I allowed the medical community to determine my
sickness, my treatment, my choices regarding what to do and what not to do.
These words are not about the supposed heart attack but what led up to it.
What were the causes? Although I never hit that depressive state I got
pretty close. At the time I always focused on myself and what wasn't
working with my life. It was very easy to do. I was like a sponge of
self-pity with tears to shed and joy hidden in square blocks that no one was
allowed to touch. Essentially, my sorrows were many. They included
my job,
my marriage, my kids, and my co-workers. The list was endless. To
add
further insult to my troubling disposition, I wrote almost 220 pages in 30
days. Needless to say, by the 30th day I almost wrote myself into
oblivion.
My assumed trouble overpowered me into seeking help. My heart literally
became loaded with steel magnums in which I no longer could carry the load.
I was in the hospital lying in bed for three days in intensive care thinking
not how I got there but what I had to do to get out. Having a heavy heart
is not a good thing. I promised myself never again. My troubles are
thought processes that can be whisked away in deep breaths. Just by saying
what I can do can create change. I quite my job, renewed by vows, and
sought fun instead of seriousness. I stopped listening to everyone who
thought that they knew and began listening to what I knew. Smiles work.
Friendship works. I stopped feeling sorry for myself. My bigger
moment
came when I threw my book out. That very booked contained all of my
negative energy.
I read about suicide and the high voltage line. I think about my
experience
and I think of those that took their lives. Two of them were women both
approximately 45 years of age. Neither was Caucasian. Both were
single,
overweight, professionals, and felt that there was no choice. The one
woman
I knew used a handgun to kill herself. There is no turning back once that
trigger is pulled. Our life forces are shattered and anything that was
once
living dies. It's that simple.
I met this woman many years ago when she was in her teens. She was bright,
beautiful, and anxiously awaiting the work that awaited her. I knew her
when she was thin with a bight smile, full of questions, and optimistically
happy. Where did she go wrong? Did she in her wildest imagination
ever
think she would put a bullet into her head and end her life? I think back to
our chance meetings, which numbered no more than half a dozen times in 30
years. Each time I saw her I noticed a difference. It wasn't much,
but
there was a difference. Her happy self was no longer her happy self.
She
went to school. That seemed the right thing to do. Whether that is
your
calling it makes no difference. We are creatures of predestined
faith. To
find a job, find a mate, get married, have kids, and then retire -- that is what
life offers. As she changed, I too also changed. She began moving up
the
corporate world not really looking for a mate, for that could have interfered
with her corporate mobility. We hold that sentence in brief
seclusion. Is
the very essence of a woman's soul designed to be in that environment? I
become deep in thought for the wisdom of our souls demand excellence. The
killing of one's self stops that ongoing process.
These three women who
all
killed themselves were all in different stages of their lives. That really
doesn't matter, though, because it still happened. I personally can only
look at this from a position of self-love not self-destruct. Is self-love
a
natural phenomenon? Do we come into a world of fire and brimstone or peace
and harmony? Is the human embryo born into mistrust and confusion or love
and magical mystery that allow the union of a sperm and an egg to be
reproduced 75 trillion times without one mistake? Is there an error in
this
calculation? Does the average human heart beat 100,000 times a day and 2.5
billion times in the average lifetime? These things happen for joy, for
wisdom, for the relentless pursuit of happiness. There is no break ever.
Not for coffee, not for breakups, not for job loss. We have an obligation
to relish our innate magic of being. We see color of many shades not in
tens but millions. These facts are not made up stories. They are
realities. Anyone who takes their life has to deny the whole conception of
life and what their being meant if not for themselves then to someone out
there whose lives they touched however small. We are part of that big
microorganism that synergistically ties everyone. We scan every part of
our
body. The brain weighs less than 3 pounds. In one hand it seems just
a
glob, but within each and every one of us what it does is mind-boggling.
It
controls every cell, all 75 trillion cells, and each of their 20,000 life
units with such finite precision. Those who commit suicide end this power.
There is no second chance to bask in the glory of the unbelievable. The
seeing, the beating, the thinking. The list goes on. There is learning,
which takes sound vibrations and transforms them to words. I am in total
awe and disbelief. I watch my grandson's vocabulary expand. Where
does his
learning come from? How is the joining of sperm and egg able to create
this
miracle?
What depths of depression had to be reached to block the glory of being?
Do
we reverberate the words of Roman philosopher Seneca, "Men do not die, they
kill themselves." I close my eyes and review the life of this woman
who I
will call Natasha. When she was young as the years passed her body changed
from svelte to slightly overweight to more overweight with puffy cheeks.
What does all this mean? Did I watch in slow motion the disintegration of
a
wondrous being whose choices over the years lead her to the depths of
despair? Would I in any way have been able to make a difference? If
I had
just shared a word, let my guard down, and had been vulnerable, would I have
been able to help? I search frantically for every word, any word that
would
bring this newsletter into order and define understanding. I repeat the
words of Ralph C. Cinque on the treatment of mental despair. "Normal
living. Normal activity."
I continue my quest for excellence to use my brainpower in clarity not
sluggishness. Day in and day out I watch what I eat. I hunger for
the
vitality of fruit, the strength of vegetables, the perseverance of nuts and
seeds. I hunger for more life from the simplest of tasks to the more noble
form of writing thoughts and theories on suicide.
My diet is clean. Does that make me a better person? Absolutely
not. Does
that make me love myself more? Absolutely, yes! I do not take in the
poisons of contamination, the dyes, the preservatives, the chemicals, the
heated fats that can't be used by your body until the temperature reaches
300 degrees. Over the years I have pretty much remained the same weight of
145 pounds. I don't have the puffy cheek look, which is an indication of
too much sugar, too much fat, just plain too much. My hair is still all
black with maybe a few grays. My skin is silky smooth. Do I
brag? Do I
compare? Do I just ask what it takes for someone to kill oneself?
What
does it take to love yourself? I share. I let my guard down. I
become
vulnerable for what criticism I may receive. So be it.
We all have a choice. I choose perfection. My body demands it.
My love of
life becomes an institution for every day living. It's the day in day out
that makes the difference. I exercise daily without fail, without doubt.
It represents a necessity of constant rejuvenation. Herbert M. Shelton
stated, "[Exercise] is also to clear the brain of the venous congestion and
provide for better nutrition to the brain."
These are not accidental lines of devious aberration. These are clear
insights from me personally about why thoughts of suicide are like a far
away balloon that has no home. These are my words of hope for all those
who
ever thought, for all those who want to believe, for all those who just don'
t know. Suicide is a choice for total self-destruct. To live
requires
ardent pursuit of constant rejuvenation; feeding of the body eloquently with
care and consideration; the best of what the world has to offer: the fruit
of the vine, the vegetable of humble beginnings, and the nuts of the tree.
We as a people strive for continual continuum. A brain presence needs
perfect food that will strive for liveliness not die in squalor. Living
foods, raw foods are the only possibilities that can create this flow of
purity. We jump, we run, we become free of congestion by feeding ourselves
the life forces of Mother Nature.
I walk with my head high. I lighten the load of my heart. I close my
eyes
and reflect on the fear, dread, and reverberation of what happens when three
young woman take their lives.
I thank you for your time.
Arnold
References:
Mental Health by Ralph C. Cinque, D.C.
Exercise for the Mental Worker by Dr. Herbert M. Shelton
A Handbook for Vibrant Living by Loren Lockman
World Medicine by Tom Monte
Alternative Medicine Presented by Burton Goldberg
Nutrition and Athletic Performance by Douglas Graham, D.C.
The Raw Life by Paul Nison
Heart Attack in Newsletter
Stay tuned for articles on meningitis and breast cancer and leukemia
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